The Process of ‘Doing Intimacy’ and Gender Norms in Heterosexual Couples: A Structural Narrative Analysis of Dyadic Data

Abstract

This paper examines the processes involved in maintaining and adjusting romantic relationships, focusing on the influence of gender norms. The analysis is based on narrative accounts from heterosexual couples in their 20s and 30s who are in committed relationships with marriage in mind.

While there is a noticeable trend toward gender equality in the romantic relationships of contemporary youth, concerns persist regarding the challenges of sustaining these relationships, influenced by enduring modern family ideals and the pressures of individualization. Although formal knowledge of communication has been shared through the media, its limitations and problems have also been emphasized.

To focus on the dynamics of everyday communication in romantic relationships, this study utilized semi-structured interviews with heterosexual couples and conducted a structural narrative analysis of data from three couples. The analysis centered on three contexts: work, housework, and expressions of affection.

As a result, in the process of ‘doing intimacy,’ each couple maintained and adjusted their relationship by interpreting each other’s actions and situations in the context of social trends and their past relationships, and of the accumulation of their mutual interactions to date. The findings indicate that, although the couples did not explicitly endorse traditional gender norms, they often found themselves constrained by gendered divisions of labor and gender-asymmetric social structures. Nonetheless, they critically examined existing gender norms in different contexts. Importantly, the couples avoided imposing their desires on one another, instead prioritizing each other’s “wants.” They also communicated their dissatisfaction without escalating into significant conflicts, ultimately deepening their intimacy through accumulation of these interactions. Despite the limitations of the data, this paper represents an initial step toward exploring the concept of ‘doing intimacy.’