What Stops New Mothers from Seeking Help from their Partners?

Focusing on the Presumption of Understanding in the Psychological Process

Abstract

　The purpose of this study was to identify the experiences of mothers who have not attempted to seek help from their husbands and to explore the factors that constrain their asking for help in the year following the birth of their first child.

　To investigate the psychological process, 21 mothers were interviewed. Data were collected through semi-structured interviews and analyzed using the grounded theory approach.

　Results indicated that mothers went through the following psychological process: 1）they experienced an increased need for support from their partner; 2）they waited for spontaneous help from their partner because they tended to presume that their partner would understand their needs; 3）when their partner failed to give them support, they lost their composure and they had difficulty calmly asking for support; 4）they considered whether or not to ask their partner for support by comparing the cost（ the negative effect on their relationship） and the benefit（a potentially lightened burden）; and finally 5）they decided not to ask their partner for support.

　In addition, the following factors constraining a request for help were identified: 1）the negative effect the request would have on the couple’s relationship; 2）the negative effect the request would have on the partner’s job; 3）concern for the partner; 4）perspectives on one's role as a parent; 5）the partner's poor housework and child-rearing skills; and 6）the experience of having their request denied.

　Results suggested that mothers tend to refrain from seeking help from their husbands because they do not wish to degrade family relationships and because they hope that the husbands will actively change on their own. Wives can be encouraged to seek help, and this can be accomplished by informing them of the potential negative effect of refraining from asking for help over a prolonged period. After wives have refrained from asking for help for such a long period, there is a significant possibility that their frustration will increase and that verbal communication with their husbands will decrease further. Results also indicated the effectiveness of providing husbands an opportunity to verbally communicate their affection for their wives before the birth of their first child.