It is far beyond the imagination of most parents to have a child with a terminal illness. In such situations, there is little medical staff can do to lighten the parents' pain. Even so, is there anything that can be done when faced with the parents of terminally ill children. This report describes our involvement with one mother in such a situation.
Son B of mother A was diagnosed with gastroschisis in the prenatal period. The bowel, which had escaped from the abdominal wall, necrotized at birth, and the baby also suffered from various symptoms attributed to very low birth weight. Treatment was initiated, but his condition steadily deteriorated. Mother A sought out psychiatric support when B was seven months old.
Mother A was a nurse. She was courageous and committed to caring for her son, but when we met, her words were filled withdistress. Continuing to listen as she expressed her emotions left me overwhelmed and at a loss for words. While wishing to lighten her anguish, A related that talking helped her to feel calm. From this I perceived her need to talk, after which I continued listening to her story and sharing in her silence. This became the experience of sharing in her pain as if it were my own, and coming to accept the pain and distress for what it was.
A and her husband decided to take B back home one month later, and parents and relatives were present for his final moments. A's agony and sadness was strong and deep. I continued to meet with her.
The factors of significance in the approach to A appeared to be responding flexibly within a consistent framework, psychiatric assessment, creation of a stable environment for A by listening both passively and actively, remaining silent, and maintenance of unwavering, undivided attention and interest in the subject throughout.
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